What’s In Your Heart

February is the time of hearts. We see it in the grocery stores and on commercials “Give your “heart” for Valentine’s Day. For the romantics, Valentines Day is a time of flowers and romance and for the cynics, it is a red and pink hallmark holiday. Women, as early as junior high, seem to find failings with their lives if they don’t have someone to call their “Valentine” come February 14th. (Maybe men do as well, I don’t know since I’m not a guy).

Personally? I think it’s a lot of pressure on yourself, to buy into the concept that you are not enough. I am always amazed at those who give their all to a relationship with others, trying to win the Mom of the Year award or Best Wife award, yet never really know the deep down desires of the one person involved in every single one of your relationships: yourself. Oh, I too, am guilty of that in my not so distant past. I spent many years putting all my efforts into being what someone else wanted me to be that I didn’t have the time – nor the courage – to dig into my own heart to discover what it was I really wanted. When you are told that nothing you do is good enough, you question your want of a latte in the morning, let alone answering the question of what do I want out of my life as a whole. The relationship with yourself maybe the most complex one you will ever have, but YOU, my dear, are worth it.

I won’t lie and tell you that it’s easy.

Nothing that is truly worthwhile comes easily. And it’s a relationship, which takes work. And, as with every relationship, there may be a few tears that go along with the laughter. Both are important – the tears and the laughter – as they each possess an amazing restorative power.

I won’t lie and tell you that it will be a magic wand and your life will change overnight.

There is no instant fix to anything in this life. Well, there is duct tape and WD40 for some things in our lives, but not in this case. I can’t tell you every exact step it will take. I can only share with you what I’ve done (thus far) on my journey to discovering what I want out of life. Just because it’s not the New Year doesn’t mean that you can’t start today on the discovery to what you truly want. It’s not a “resolution” about being a better person, it’s about finding your passion in life. You can start it any day you want.

The process of discovering what it is you want out of life – out of yourself – takes time. You have to root around in your heart to find your passions, your soul to discover what passions really are uplifting, and your mind to examine the muddle through the possibilities. Once your heart, soul and mind have weighed in, don’t rule out your gut. Eventually, you will learn that your gut is helping show you the difference between external expectations and what is truly your desire, unadulterated.

I won’t lie and tell you that you will never want a significant other.

Companionship is a bonus. Having someone to love – someone that loves you right back – is something that is worth dreaming about. Now imagine how much better any other relationship will be, because the best you that can be found is a part of it.

I also won’t lie to you and tell you that it’s not rewarding.

One day, the light bulb will go off above your little head and not only will you know what you want, you will realize you are actively pursuing it. The light bulb moment came for me just recently, during the middle of an ordinary conversation with one of my best friends. We were talking about my personal life and I was telling her how my gut was telling me that something was the right fit although it was completely outside my norm, and she said to me “Maybe you finally love yourself enough to allow it.” And there it was, all bright and shiny above my head: the light bulb!

In thinking about the past few months, I realize that I wake up each morning with a good idea of who I am and a feeling of contentment. But I will say that just because I have had that light bulb moment, it isn’t time to stop. I’m not satisfied to just let things stay exactly as they are. I want more. I have proven to myself that I matter, that I am enough, and that anything I really want in life is a possibility.

One of the words I chose for 2009 is “heart” and the commitment to myself that I will remember to follow my heart. My wish for you this Valentine’s Day is that you find room in your heart to find what you want and most of all, find room in your heart to love a very important person – and that is yourself.