For the first time since I began writing this column a year ago, I struggled with what to talk about. It isn't as if I don't have things on my mind – it’s just the opposite, in fact - too many topics rolling around in my head. I continue to challenge my mind - and step outside of my box. I guess you could say that my life - and me as a person - continues to evolve.
I spent some time reading through some old writings - and emails - and noticed a few things that stand out about my life. One is laughter.
Laughter and humor were missing from my life for quite a while - and now that they have found their way back, I refuse to let them leave. Raising a teenager is certainly a challenge, but I was recently reminded that there are rewarding moments - and they come when we can let our hair down, let the songs come out - and our laughter flow.
I've also noticed a stronger desire for being myself - and accepted by those in my life for it. While I know it is almost a contradiction, I can tell you for a fact that I spent years trying to be the person that someone else wanted - but no more. People accept me for who I am - or they simply aren't in my life. Now, this doesn't mean I go out of my way to share my secrets with the world. I may have some aspects of my life that I keep more to myself - but I refuse to change my inner self to please another person.
I can tell you that I've discovered that there is a strong tie between laughter in my life - and being myself. And that is the ability I've found to look at myself - and better yet - laugh at myself at times....
And I mentioned that while I was debating my topic for this column, I spent some time reading what I've written over the last few months. I'm extremely prolific at times - and with a few people, extremely open and forthright about things going on in my head.. My kids expose me to music I might not normally listen to - and the lyrics to one song stood out (Anna Nalick's Breathe (2AM))....
I've had the moments of wondering if I've been a little too honest and open in my different writing venues… I know that you hear people say that “actions speak louder than words” but I know something about words – and that is the fact that words can be powerful. I know that anyone reading the words that I write will use them however they want - and sometimes could use my words to hurt me. But I've decided getting the thoughts OUT there are more important than worrying about it....
And right there – that’s the difference between me now and me a year ago – that I’m more willing for my thoughts to be out there and possibly hurt me than I am willing to not share them. A year ago, I wrote my column entitled “Southern Girl”. I still believe in Karma. I honestly believe that no matter how the rough spots may be, that things will be “OK” for me.
But now….I’m not only passionate about life, I’m out there living it…