While contemplating the theme of "change", I find myself in the middle of a life-changing time.
Things have been a bit of a struggle for me, especially over the last six months. I've had to dig into my soul and truly evaluate myself. Will I continue to just live from day to day, or will I look at the big picture of my future? While there is comfort in my day to day, there is also times of extreme stress. Do I take the path of least resistance, and withdraw deeper into myself? Or do I take a rockier road and see if I can find the girl inside that had such a zest for life? My mind tells me that I must take that rocky road, but my heart continues to argue...
Do you ever feel as if a song is speaking to you? In December 2001, the song Drops of Jupiter hung in my mind, especially the verse "she checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo, reminds me that there's room to grow.." What a thought to go into the new year with - "there's room to grow" - because deep inside of us, we have that ability to expand our horizons and stretch our souls. For me, I dug into myself and wrote poetry....
But now, the song constantly running through my mind is "Landslide".
Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....
As I edge closer to 35, can I truly handle the seasons of my life? Is the girl still inside my soul, or was she long abandoned by the ever-busy wife and mother? I want changes. No, it isn't a matter of want. My ever-logical mind tells me that changes are necessary. But I'm also afraid of what those changes will bring. It's a scary time - here on the edge.