As opinionated as I am, there are many moments when I simply don’t know what to say. It isn’t as if the rambling inner-voice inside my head has quieted. On the contrary, that little voice continues a non-stop dialogue telling me what I should be doing, what I shouldn’t be doing, and that I should be doing things better than I am.
You’ll notice that in this issue of ATG, the Mind and Body section focuses on Depression and Bi-Polar disorder. I was behind the subject being discussed, even though it was suggested by another editor. Since the birth of my oldest daughter, I have suffered from bouts of depression. If I examine my life prior to that time, though, I see the glimpses of the disease rearing its ugly head at other times in my life well before the birth of my daughter. I do feel that changes in my hormonal balance have contributed to different depressive episodes, but that’s my opinion.
Though depression is “coming out of the closet” more than ever, it is still a disease that often leaves those who suffer from it embarrassed – and those who have never suffered from it short tempered with friends and relatives who have depression. I had been told before to just “pull myself out” of it – and have talked to friends with depression who have been told they have nothing to be sad about! It’s incredibly hard to live with depression – and harder yet when those you love cannot – or will not – understand the disease. Trust me when I say that those who suffer from depression cannot always understand it either, but long to be understood and accepted for who they are.
Beginning my own business has added a layer of stress to my life this year. Though my hysterectomy was successful, my body’s inability to absorb the estrogen has made me irritable. And in the last few months, my stale marriage of 17 ½ years ended. The divorce will be final this month. It should be no surprise to tell you that the stress and emotional turmoil have led me down the path to a depressive state, though I do my best not to fall into what I call “episodes” – because episodes can be extremely self-destructive – and more than anything I do not wish to hurt those I love during this time. That includes my soon-to-be ex-husband. I struggle to maintain some normalcy and give the appearance that “I’m doing just fine.”
I know in my heart that things will be ok for everyone. But it doesn’t mean that it makes it easier right now. Some with depression sleep all the time, yet others cannot sleep. I tend to fall into the category of not sleeping and wander around in a state of constant tiredness – and irritability. All the while, the voice inside my head tells me if I will simply dance faster, tasks in my life can be accomplished and I wouldn’t feel so blue.
But to be honest, I digress from my intent of my column.
In the holiday season, depression is at al all time high. There are those who are dealing with the holiday blues, those with Seasonal Affected Disorder, or a dive into the darkness of a frequent depression. Do your best to be kind in spirit and heart to those around you. It is very likely someone you know – whether an acquaintance or good friend – is suffering from some hardships in her life. Take a moment to remind those you care about that you DO care about them – and value the fact that they are in your life. You never know who may be hiding depression, loneliness, or other issues. Sometimes, a kind word, a humorous card, or an invitation to lunch may be just the touch someone needs to be reminded that someone cares.
And in a world with millions of people, sometimes one person can truly make a difference in the life of another.