I mentioned in my March column that “good friends are worth their weight in gold”. I know how precious gold is and that I am truly blessed with wonderful friends.
I’ll confess something and that’s the fact that I abhor asking anyone for help. Above all, I prefer to be self-sufficient. I’m the kind of girl who is better at giving my caring and support to others – and honestly don’t need to receive from others. I’m sure you hear that from people, but with me it’s the honest fact. But in early June, I had a crisis of the sort that I could not “do it” all alone. Still, though, I knew that I needed the support, I had a hell of a time telling friends about the crisis, let alone admitting that I had a need.
How on earth does the girl who prides herself on holding it together admit that she’s a little vulnerable?
First of all, I only talked to an extreme few. When you examine your circle of friends, you realize that there are those are to whom you can let in a little more – and those who are simply too busy to burden. Yes, I said burden because I realize that no matter what a person may be willing to give to another, the knowledge of another’s problems is a burden.
When I apologized to one that I had talked to about my neediness, he reminded me that it’s ok to lean on friends. And though I know he is right, it doesn’t make the leaning less difficult. In times of crisis, you truly learn what people are made of. Some react as you knew they would – providing only love and support. Some surprise you by stepping up, so to speak, proving that they are a friend who can handle giving a little more at times. A small few will disappoint you by being unable to handle seeing you as anything less than the rock that you always seem to be.
And there are those, who will never know the strong person you truly are inside as you will decide that you will never tell them about the crisis - because deep down you know that they cannot handle it...
Like every other part of my life, I see this crisis as an opportunity to learn more about myself – and to grow. I’ve learned that I am truly stronger than I thought I could be. I’ve learned that no matter how strong I am, it’s ok to have a few cracks in the "rock". I’ve learned that even if I don’t allow myself to fall apart, it’s ok to let a few chips of this rock exterior fall off because my friends will be there to pick up the pieces I’ve lost - and glue them back into place.
And for a girl who’s likes to hold it together, it’s nice to know I can continue to do so - even if I have to do it with a little bit of the glue of my friends…