I am traveling again. It seems as if my in-flight time is the only writing time I am fitting into my schedule these days. It seems to be the simple fact of my life – and no one said we have to be happy with the facts – just accept them. When I am home, I let the daily tasks such as laundry and kid shuffling takes over. And when I am on the road, and alone in my hotel room, I relax by reading – or mindlessly watching TV.
My excuses are in many ways legitimate. Returning work emails and working on marketing pieces takes precedence over writing, which is currently not paying my bills. I am also nurturing some delicate friendships – relationships with friends that are occasionally working with me. They are important to me when it comes to both my personal – and my professional – life.
But facts or excuses, it boils down this: no matter where I am, when I have some spare time and don't pick up a pen, it is me not making my craft a priority.
This past weekend, my travels took me to New Orleans with my daughter to attend a concert. No, the city isn't back to what it was prior to Katrina, but there is an artistic soul to the city that I felt to my toes. While at Brennans for breakfast on Sunday morning, I pulled out my old writing notebook. I have to admit I was surprised. As I sipped my coffee and nibbled on crispy French bread, I thumbed through and skimmed over chapters of two different novels as well as columns, blogs, and marketing pieces.
The combination of the quiet time alone – the proof that I CAN write when I devote some time to it – and the underling artistic energy of the city had me picking up my pen…and once again, putting it to paper.
I guess, to be honest, for the first time in ages, I found myself motivated.
I'll confess that there have been some pretty dramatic ups and downs in my personal life. Emotionally, it set me back. It hurt not only my heart, but my soul….it squashed my motivation for anything beyond work – and simply surviving.
And it's not right.
I deserve to nurture not only my friends and those delicate friendships – but I also deserve to nurture myself. To find the time to carefully nurture my own desires as if they were the desires of someone that I love.
Every woman that I knows struggles with the balance of work and family and finding themselves. I think we, as women, put our own needs on the back burner when it comes to the things we want – the things our little souls need to blossom.
I've taken a hard – and critical – look at myself over the last few months. I've examined – and re-examined – every piece of my life. And despite the lack of nurturing my craft so that part of my soul is whole, I have learned that I am truly at peace with so many facets of life.
As I told a friend, my Karma is clean – and that means the world to me. That my relationship with my God is good.
Now it's time to simply nurture the writer in me because I've discovered that is important to keeping my soul intact. Devoting more time to my craft gives me additional peace…and I'm thinking it's the peace I need for my heart to repair itself….
My Karma is clean.
But it can stand to be a little shinier.