I am amazed that it’s already May. Is it just me, or does it seem like this year has simply flown by? When I sat down to finally start writing this month, I was at a bit of a loss for topic. As is always, with me, I have a million things rolling around in my head…and debated about writing about desires and passions or business plans and career goals… Did I want to write about something new or expand a bit on a topic I’ve touched on in the past?
I did a quick review of my columns since June of last year…a look back – and I certainly didn’t want to bore you (again) about my writer’s block. It’s still there, by the way. And it makes me wonder if it’s truly a block or if I have lost some of my ability to put words to paper. That has happened to a friend of mine who had a stroke – she lost the ability to recall common words. Now, I am sure I haven’t had a stroke, but has all the clutter that has flooded my brain pushed words from me?
Work is busier than it’s been in ages. I’ve taken on a new consulting contract that I am loving – but it is pushing my boundaries at times. To say I have been spreading myself a little thin at times would be an understatement. I have become well acquainted with living out of a suitcase – and lots of club sandwiches. The upside, though, is though I am pushing my boundaries, I am also stretching them out.
What I’ve realized the last few days, though, is that I in order to stretch my boundaries in a proportion I can handle, I need to not spread myself quite so thin.
So, let me confess a little, since they say confession is so good for the soul.
When I travel, I typically unpack everything and put it away: clothes in the bureau and hanging, toiletries in the bathroom, suitcases put away. It makes the hotel room feel more like my own space when I do this. I thrive on being busy and appreciate chaos to a degree, but a portion of my life must have order. When I travel, it is my hotel room.
That is, until this past week. I have stayed in 9 different hotels in the last 3 weeks. This past week, I was in four different hotel rooms. Friday as I was putting on my make-up, and digging in my suitcase for clean underwear, I realized that I hadn’t unpacked.
Seriously. What is up with that? I know from my exploration of hotel rooms (more than 95 nights in the last year) that in order to have a little order, I need to tidy my room and put my things away. Was I soooo busy (or was it road weary?) that I hadn’t taken time in the last week to do what I know I need to do for order? Had the clutter in my brain bled into clutter everywhere else?
Then it hit me. I had been so consumed with meeting the needs of others (dropping my suitcase in my room and immediately heading to meetings) that I didn’t meet a very simple need for myself. Why was everyone so much more important than me? Why had I not allowed myself the fifteen minutes to bring a bit of order to my chaos? Or was I simply tired – and not self-disciplined enough?
I think the answer is a bit mixed, when you get down to it.
I was tired – and travel weary. Three of the four nights were single nights, some less than twelve hours in the room. But it still boils down to one of my issues I am having with my writing: in all the hustle and bustle of life, I am putting what I need far down the list of priorities.
I need to figure out a better way to balance. Damn, that elusive word: balance. Balance the needs of my children with the needs of myself. Balance the needs of my work that pays my bills with the need to be creative. Balance the needs of my business world with the needs to keep myself better centered.
I keep feeling like one day I will get there. One day I will be this incredibly balanced individual who feeds her creativity as well as she takes care of her family. In the meantime, I’m just going to set the short term goal of unpacking my suitcases. And finishing this column on time….