Three Little Words
It’s January and the beginning of a new year once again. There is something about the New Year that drives us to look at our lives – both personally and professionally – and then create resolutions to help us meet new goals. So many people (including me in the past) have made vows of improvement…vows that are soon abandoned. Typically, our resolutions are about fixing what is “wrong” with us….and hoping that if we just fix the broken parts, then everything will fall into place.
When I really think about it in those terms, that’s an awfully negative way to create improvement – by focusing on how you have failed. You see, it isn’t that any of us are broken. Broken brings to mind shattered dishes and chipped figurines…and we fix them with glue and permanent markers. Broken things may be repaired, but are never really whole. Why would we put our lovely little souls in the light of needing repair? Is that truly the way to improve our lives?
“I don’t want to live my life focusing on what is wrong with me. I don’t want to wallow around in the failures and the fears and hope that things will suddenly get better.”
I don’t want to live my life focusing on what is wrong with me. I don’t want to wallow around in the failures and the fears and hope that things will suddenly get better. I’d much rather make steps towards being more fulfilled by letting go of the negativity rather than use the negativity as a motivator. What’s the old Southern saying: “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”?
So, what is it I’m going to do? Well, I touched on it briefly on Thanksgiving and that is I want to lead a more conscious and fulfilled life. The creation of a “Vision Board” and the use of a “Gratitude Journal” are positive tools I am turning to…not negative ones that point out my flaws. I am going to approach the issue of New Year’s Resolutions in as much the same manner as I approached the Vision Board, and that’s with the advice of a life coach, Christine Kane. In a search of Christine’s blog on resolutions, I found “You Say You Want a Resolution“.
Instead of making a resolution, you have a word to inspire you…something to focus on. I really like that approach: something to bring positive reinforcement rather than a big old bottle of super glue.
“I want the moments of my life to be done with intent and my time spent on things that mean something to me. “
If I am to choose one word, the first word that came to mind was Passion.
I want the moments of my life to be done with intent and my time spent on things that mean something to me. What is the point of continuing to muddle through my days…spending time just….passing time….when I could be spending that time on things that mean something? I tell you, it certainly puts into perspective a couple of recent days when I didn’t get dressed and spent my time mindlessly watching TV. Where is the passion in that? (Well, except for a new episode of Saving Grace or Grey’s Anatomy.) Just because I haven’t been conscious every moment of living my life with passion doesn’t mean that it doesn’t peak through. It’s time to think upon my life with the intent of being passionate about what I do.
Now, Christine’s post encouraged focusing on one word, but knowing the human nature of over achievers, she knew that folks (like me) would want to accomplish more. She set a boundary of no more than three words. (Another alternative was to master your word…make it a part of your being…and then choosing a new word mid-year).
I’m not satisfied with “passion” being my only focus. I have a lot of passion in the way I go about my life, but there is something else that is too much in the mix that is tripping me up. So, I am choosing two more words to guide me in 2008: Forgiveness and Courage.
I have an advantage in that the recordings of my ups and downs are digitally in my face….randomly in a variety of blogs since 1998…and consistently in my the columns I have written for All Things Girl since July 2004. It allows me the ability to see where I have been in my head and to be honest, a lot of the brainstorming it takes to flesh out goals and plans of attack are right there in black and white. Reading my own words is helping to guide me to what I need beyond a passion in 2008.
I am choosing forgiveness because I see that more times than not, I am critical and judgmental. Oh, not of other people. It’s with myself. I live my life by the laws of karma where others are concerned, but don’t treat myself with that same kindness. I don’t think I will ever have a truly peaceful soul until I can forgive myself with the same open-heartedness.
Courage, I feel, is the seat mate of forgiveness. In recent months, I have realized that fear is paralyzing me in many ways. I fear my writing isn’t good enough, so I give into the demon of writer’s block. I fear that another marriage would end in failure, and often keep men in my life at arms length. I fear that if I love a man unconditionally, he will take that love and hurt me. I fear what other people think at times, so I withdraw from friends and family and place myself in a little cocoon. I fear the demons of depression, yet I don’t take the necessary steps to reduce some stressors in my life. And I fall out of the habits that keep stress and depression at bay – like regular exercise and getting a little sunshine on my face each day. So I ask myself, how the hell am I going to actually live life if I choose to continue living in fear?
“..this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt stands out: “Do something that scares you every day”.”
Have I ever mentioned what a bitch it is to do this kind of soul work? It’s painful to dig into the nitty gritty of my past….and figure out the why’s of my actions (and inactions). Probably, recognizing my fear has been one of the biggest discoveries in recent months. In looking back at my Vision Board, this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt stands out: “Do something that scares you every day”.
In using the act of forgiving myself as I do others, I will need to use courage as a guide….
I am blessed in so many ways. The flaws in my character are character builders and without those flaws, I’d be pretty damned boring. I’m not broken. I only need a little positive guidance to remind myself how blessed I am…how clear my karma is….and how beautiful each and every soul is: including mine.
I truly am an optimist at heart and…know that we are all works in progress. I’m the impatient kind and want my progress to be a little faster. I feel that three little words will make my 2008 a milestone year. I hope that my little confession encourages you to find your word or three for 2008 (be sure and leave a comment if you do!). By the way, if you can’t find a word, I’m willing to share mine.
I think we can all live with a little more passion, a lot more forgiveness, and big splashes of courage.
(Photo Credit: Lorissa Shepstone)